do not feed the animals (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thedovetailor) wrote2018-01-31 10:36 am
thedovetailor) wrote2018-01-31 10:36 am
07-2018. every other freckle.
THE NOTIFICATION FOR MY COLOURPOP SHIPMENT CAME IN, I AM SO EXCITE. For context: I signed up with MyUS.com because they have this sweet membership and shipping promo with Mastercard. As my initial test to see if I'll be sticking with their service for my legal drugs goods from the US, I ordered from Colourpop and Sephora US. Now waiting with bated breath for Sephora to register cos the main part of the test is to see how MyUS bundles the packages together and how much it'll hurt my wallet.
...Eye palettes though, guys. Eye palettes.
Also Banila Co's primer is AMAZING. Nothing budged and I didn't have to blot at all. I also didn't use any setting spray beyond the Witch Hazel facial mist that I spray all over before I head out the door. Definitely going to pit it against Nyx's Angel Veil as soon as I have the funds. I technically DID, but then I spent good money on snacks.
Don't judge me too much okay it's been a while.
So, as mentioned yesterday, this entry is going to talk about gender and sex stuff. This is my first time articulating all of this somewhere. Pls to skip if you don't wanna read.
Admittedly inspired by the beautiful candidness ofmagpies and some other ramblings of friends from Plurk. Thank you to all of you for making me more comfortable in my own skin.
So I mentioned during my initial entry of HELLO DREAMWIDTH I HAVE RETURNED that I am bisexual. I admit that I deliberately left out the part about me being polyamorous because admittedly, I have only started being able to articulate it recently and own the label for myself. It puts a lot of things into perspective: the way I think about other people whom I like, the way I think about myself. It is, however, something I will never, ever act on if my partner is monogamous or does not approve. Given thatthelittleone is the girl I wanna be with for the rest of my life, the answer is easy. Relationships - all relationships - are about trust and communication. Trust and communication are things one constantly practices, for they are choices and lifestyles, not merely things people feel and/or do.
On top of being bisexual and polyamorous, I can now say with certainty given that I have a semi-regular and healthy sex life with a beautiful and so amazingly patient partner, that I am a hypersexual creature and a kink whore whose main motivation for wanting to get fit again is to be able to go for more rounds before needing to cool off/recharge... for more rounds, haha. If I were to use labels, the best way to categorize me would be a rope bunny bottom with submissive tendencies. Tried and tested, okay, I even took a test.
I have fantasized about being rendered helpless through medium to heavy bondage and worked to sexual exhaustion for as long as I can remember. As things stand, some of my most vivid childhood memories involve being extra into imagination games that involved being the villain who was tied up and punished by the good guys at the end of it (sorry childhood friends I hope you don't remember me for this). The earliest fanfic I ever wrote (scribbled down in a notebook that I can no longer find) was pages upon pages of middle school dribble on Saber Rider. Anyone up for some mechanical tentacle porn? Smol Pammu apparently was!
I do tend to dream when I sleep, but weirdly, versus more recent dreams I remember with greater detail the dreams of years past when I found myself in an extremely sexual situation: tied down, spread out for another's pleasure. You can imagine past Pammu's frustration at how the dreams always cut off before anything could really happen, just before the fingers/dick/toys were about to come in.
This does put a lot of things into context. I used to be so into hardcore/kinky Japanese porn because their sexual highs - helpless (often tied up something amazing) girl, leering man, toys and long stretches of virtual toy torture everywhere - spoke to me on a visceral level. I am not so into it now, but when the porny mood does strike, I like watching BDSM/sex slavery stuff. It does irk me when it feels too artificial, but I love it when the bondage is nice and heavy, especially when there's a blindfold, gag, or both. I also love it when toys are at play. Truth be told, if I had a lot of money and my own space, I'd invest in a Cybian or a machine that could fuck me all on its own.
Speaking of toys: I absolutely love toys. I love the real thing - meaning fingers and mouths and skin - as much and maybe 2-3 notches more than I love toys, and I absolutely love the delicately intense balance of both toys and the real thing. Beyond the PS4, the reason why I don't have any real returns from my FEU + Bright double paycheck days is because I bought this baby for an exorbitant amount of cash and I have zero regrets over it - beyond, haha, spending on a lovely ball gag and some durable handcuffs. A few years before that, I blew some of the remainder of my ADMU cash on bullet vibes.
I've every plan of expanding my personal collection of restraints and toys, but living with one's parents can make deliveries to the house hard. Will be, in the meantime, setting aside money for things and waiting for them to be out of town for a while or out of the country. Things at the top of my list: one of those high-quality massage wand things, body straps, a convenient rig for bondage on a bed.
Another thing to invest in: sexier lingerie and nightgowns or nightgown things. Weirdly enough I had more of than when I was much younger and did not care about these things like, whut. W h y.
I do not take to orders in bed well, I think, because I have associated sex and sexual pleasure with total disarming/placing myself in someone else's hands/being at another's total disposal. I once told Noenoe that this MAY be because I am under a lot of pressure, as it is, to perform and be good and be something else for other people on a regular basis. As such, in the four corners of the bedroom, I want to be taken out of my skin. I want to not think or do; only feel or be made to feel.
I do my best to reciprocate though, huhu. I think the residual stiffness is from having had no one/nothing but myself to handle my own pleasure for so long.
Things I definitely will never try: any vomit/blood/piss/shit play cos omg no please. If you like it, cool, but I cannot bear the thought. Also hesitant about food play because that can get really messy, I imagine.
My greatest sexual fantasy at the moment is being tied down tight to a bed, blindfolded and fitted with a ball gag or maybe even a muzzle. I dream, on and off, that my position is as follows: wrists cuffed together or apart but otherwise attached to the headboard of the bed, ankles either tied down to bed posts or attached to a spreader bar, thighs strapped to shins. Sometimes, I'm naked; other times, I'm in lingerie. If I'm in lingerie, it's my partner that snips it all off of me, or otherwise removes it.
Additional ornamentation: bullet vibes taped to both of my nipples, another vibrator taped to my clit, cunt stuffed with a decently shaped - or large - dildo.
The full scene is a waiting game, where I've been left for maybe 10-20 minutes like that on the bed with none of the toys switched on. Then the bullet vibes start up first; the vibe on my clit follows. Those stay on for a while, no matter how many times they make me whine and cum. Then the dildo's vibrator functions are switched on. Then the fucking with the dildo starts.
The rest of the fantasy bleeds into me being the toy tester, subjected to bites/nips/molesting/kisses at my partner's leisure. The toy run, in between generous finger fucking and more than occasionally being left to my ahaha own devices for more torturous periods, includes the following: a massage wand, sex beads, dildos of differing shapes and sizes.
Most of the time, the blindfold and gag both stay in place. Sometimes, one of them goes off. But they never both go off, because that would be too generous to me.
When I am left alone, the blindfold and gag return, and earphones/headphones join them with white noise/music for maximum sensory deprivation. That way, it's always a surprise when the next part of the session begins.
Other things on my sexual fantasy bucket list/things that were tried that I really enjoyed:
Thighs cuffed together, to make sure I can't do much but squirm when toys and fingers come into play.
Hand on my neck/hands holding me down, I fucking love this.
Arms and wrists tied tight to my back, it's delicious.
Flat on my back and gagged, and vibed and vibed and vibed some more.
Being woken up by someone fingering me/toying my clit. Bonus points for having my hands cuffed/tied behind my back. Even more bonus points if there's all of that, and cuffs for my ankles/straps tying my thighs to my shins.
Shibari and rope play omg pls
Definitely intrigued at the thought of heating/cooling lube, being collared, spider gags, muzzles
Morbidly curious about nipple clamps, spanking, double penetration. Ass play generally makes me nervous though because I suppose I should have an enema first or something.
Getting tied/spread out on a chair.
Being someone else's sex toy in front of a mirror, while gagged.
Staying a while wrapped up tied by ropes or straps (from neck all the way down to my ankles), with vibes on my tits and a vibrating dildo up my ass/another vibrating bullet on my clit.
...Of course now that I am into makeup, I am almost curious to know what it'd be like to include that in the ritual of kinky sex. Being told what colors to wear/my partner applying what she likes on me before foreplay and sex. Bonus points again if the application is happening while I'm cuffed.
Struggled with the code a bit but yeah I felt the need to further black out the more risque/explicit stuff ahaha.
Finished all of the Malice Kings, and am stupidly proud of how the picsets turned out. Going to be doing sets now for NPCs, then scenes that have been RPed or have happened in-game.
...Eye palettes though, guys. Eye palettes.
Also Banila Co's primer is AMAZING. Nothing budged and I didn't have to blot at all. I also didn't use any setting spray beyond the Witch Hazel facial mist that I spray all over before I head out the door. Definitely going to pit it against Nyx's Angel Veil as soon as I have the funds. I technically DID, but then I spent good money on snacks.
Don't judge me too much okay it's been a while.
So, as mentioned yesterday, this entry is going to talk about gender and sex stuff. This is my first time articulating all of this somewhere. Pls to skip if you don't wanna read.
Admittedly inspired by the beautiful candidness of
magpies and some other ramblings of friends from Plurk. Thank you to all of you for making me more comfortable in my own skin.So I mentioned during my initial entry of HELLO DREAMWIDTH I HAVE RETURNED that I am bisexual. I admit that I deliberately left out the part about me being polyamorous because admittedly, I have only started being able to articulate it recently and own the label for myself. It puts a lot of things into perspective: the way I think about other people whom I like, the way I think about myself. It is, however, something I will never, ever act on if my partner is monogamous or does not approve. Given that
thelittleone is the girl I wanna be with for the rest of my life, the answer is easy. Relationships - all relationships - are about trust and communication. Trust and communication are things one constantly practices, for they are choices and lifestyles, not merely things people feel and/or do.On top of being bisexual and polyamorous, I can now say with certainty given that I have a semi-regular and healthy sex life with a beautiful and so amazingly patient partner, that I am a hypersexual creature and a kink whore whose main motivation for wanting to get fit again is to be able to go for more rounds before needing to cool off/recharge... for more rounds, haha. If I were to use labels, the best way to categorize me would be a rope bunny bottom with submissive tendencies. Tried and tested, okay, I even took a test.
I have fantasized about being rendered helpless through medium to heavy bondage and worked to sexual exhaustion for as long as I can remember. As things stand, some of my most vivid childhood memories involve being extra into imagination games that involved being the villain who was tied up and punished by the good guys at the end of it (sorry childhood friends I hope you don't remember me for this). The earliest fanfic I ever wrote (scribbled down in a notebook that I can no longer find) was pages upon pages of middle school dribble on Saber Rider. Anyone up for some mechanical tentacle porn? Smol Pammu apparently was!
I do tend to dream when I sleep, but weirdly, versus more recent dreams I remember with greater detail the dreams of years past when I found myself in an extremely sexual situation: tied down, spread out for another's pleasure. You can imagine past Pammu's frustration at how the dreams always cut off before anything could really happen, just before the fingers/dick/toys were about to come in.
This does put a lot of things into context. I used to be so into hardcore/kinky Japanese porn because their sexual highs - helpless (often tied up something amazing) girl, leering man, toys and long stretches of virtual toy torture everywhere - spoke to me on a visceral level. I am not so into it now, but when the porny mood does strike, I like watching BDSM/sex slavery stuff. It does irk me when it feels too artificial, but I love it when the bondage is nice and heavy, especially when there's a blindfold, gag, or both. I also love it when toys are at play. Truth be told, if I had a lot of money and my own space, I'd invest in a Cybian or a machine that could fuck me all on its own.
Speaking of toys: I absolutely love toys. I love the real thing - meaning fingers and mouths and skin - as much and maybe 2-3 notches more than I love toys, and I absolutely love the delicately intense balance of both toys and the real thing. Beyond the PS4, the reason why I don't have any real returns from my FEU + Bright double paycheck days is because I bought this baby for an exorbitant amount of cash and I have zero regrets over it - beyond, haha, spending on a lovely ball gag and some durable handcuffs. A few years before that, I blew some of the remainder of my ADMU cash on bullet vibes.
I've every plan of expanding my personal collection of restraints and toys, but living with one's parents can make deliveries to the house hard. Will be, in the meantime, setting aside money for things and waiting for them to be out of town for a while or out of the country. Things at the top of my list: one of those high-quality massage wand things, body straps, a convenient rig for bondage on a bed.
Another thing to invest in: sexier lingerie and nightgowns or nightgown things. Weirdly enough I had more of than when I was much younger and did not care about these things like, whut. W h y.
I do not take to orders in bed well, I think, because I have associated sex and sexual pleasure with total disarming/placing myself in someone else's hands/being at another's total disposal. I once told Noenoe that this MAY be because I am under a lot of pressure, as it is, to perform and be good and be something else for other people on a regular basis. As such, in the four corners of the bedroom, I want to be taken out of my skin. I want to not think or do; only feel or be made to feel.
I do my best to reciprocate though, huhu. I think the residual stiffness is from having had no one/nothing but myself to handle my own pleasure for so long.
Things I definitely will never try: any vomit/blood/piss/shit play cos omg no please. If you like it, cool, but I cannot bear the thought. Also hesitant about food play because that can get really messy, I imagine.
My greatest sexual fantasy at the moment is being tied down tight to a bed, blindfolded and fitted with a ball gag or maybe even a muzzle. I dream, on and off, that my position is as follows: wrists cuffed together or apart but otherwise attached to the headboard of the bed, ankles either tied down to bed posts or attached to a spreader bar, thighs strapped to shins. Sometimes, I'm naked; other times, I'm in lingerie. If I'm in lingerie, it's my partner that snips it all off of me, or otherwise removes it.
Additional ornamentation: bullet vibes taped to both of my nipples, another vibrator taped to my clit, cunt stuffed with a decently shaped - or large - dildo.
The full scene is a waiting game, where I've been left for maybe 10-20 minutes like that on the bed with none of the toys switched on. Then the bullet vibes start up first; the vibe on my clit follows. Those stay on for a while, no matter how many times they make me whine and cum. Then the dildo's vibrator functions are switched on. Then the fucking with the dildo starts.
The rest of the fantasy bleeds into me being the toy tester, subjected to bites/nips/molesting/kisses at my partner's leisure. The toy run, in between generous finger fucking and more than occasionally being left to my ahaha own devices for more torturous periods, includes the following: a massage wand, sex beads, dildos of differing shapes and sizes.
Most of the time, the blindfold and gag both stay in place. Sometimes, one of them goes off. But they never both go off, because that would be too generous to me.
When I am left alone, the blindfold and gag return, and earphones/headphones join them with white noise/music for maximum sensory deprivation. That way, it's always a surprise when the next part of the session begins.
Thighs cuffed together, to make sure I can't do much but squirm when toys and fingers come into play.
Hand on my neck/hands holding me down, I fucking love this.
Arms and wrists tied tight to my back, it's delicious.
Flat on my back and gagged, and vibed and vibed and vibed some more.
Being woken up by someone fingering me/toying my clit. Bonus points for having my hands cuffed/tied behind my back. Even more bonus points if there's all of that, and cuffs for my ankles/straps tying my thighs to my shins.
Shibari and rope play omg pls
Definitely intrigued at the thought of heating/cooling lube, being collared, spider gags, muzzles
Morbidly curious about nipple clamps, spanking, double penetration. Ass play generally makes me nervous though because I suppose I should have an enema first or something.
Getting tied/spread out on a chair.
Being someone else's sex toy in front of a mirror, while gagged.
Staying a while wrapped up tied by ropes or straps (from neck all the way down to my ankles), with vibes on my tits and a vibrating dildo up my ass/another vibrating bullet on my clit.
...Of course now that I am into makeup, I am almost curious to know what it'd be like to include that in the ritual of kinky sex. Being told what colors to wear/my partner applying what she likes on me before foreplay and sex. Bonus points again if the application is happening while I'm cuffed.
Struggled with the code a bit but yeah I felt the need to further black out the more risque/explicit stuff ahaha.
Finished all of the Malice Kings, and am stupidly proud of how the picsets turned out. Going to be doing sets now for NPCs, then scenes that have been RPed or have happened in-game.
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I hope you always feel comfortable in your own skin, Pam, it's super important that we embrace this part of ourselves and I'm super glad to see you're willing to talk about it in an awesome safe space /blows kisses to you
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And I hope it will be the same for you, love uwu
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♥ and it definitely is.
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You're lovely, always. ♡
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